In spite of the fact that it burns my ASS to have to give OJ Simpson more attention than he already, undeservedly gets, I have to give a BIG ‘OL STANDING OVATION to Jeff Ruby of Jeff Ruby’s Steakhouse in Louisville, Ky. Mr. Ruby decided he didn’t have to grin and bear the ASSHOLE MURDERING MOTHERFUCKER in his own private establishment. So he had the stones to do something about it. He told the AMM (see above) that under no circumstances would he be served.

I say Bravo. I hope more people follow suit. I hope people are not intimidated by WEAK claims of racism and law suits because come on – does anyone really think that kind of claim is going to hold water?

AMM, people are growing weary of your arrogance. Sure there are complete MORONS who refuse to believe you could do something like that, but we have to allow for retarded people in our society, unfortunately. You are wearing out your welcome in society and people are going to start standing up to that. Mr. Ruby has set in motion, hopefully, a new trend.

We were ALL failed by the courts in this case. Justice was not served and you, AMM, have the audacity to rub it in our faces, including the faces of the Ron Goldman family AND your unfortunate offspring.

Lets hope that more people let you know, in no uncertain terms, how HATED you are. And how much we wish you would DROP DEAD.

Mr Ruby, you have some big hairy cojones. Congratulations.

It would be an understatement to say that this year has been a rough one for me.  I have spent many many hours feeling sorrow, anxiety, guilt, and even despair. Since the beginning of the year, my mom has been in and out of the hospital 5 times. On more than one occasion I thought I would lose her. My car got totaled. And I had to put one of my dogs down.

I went through 8 weeks of the deepest, darkest depression I have ever experienced, from which I was unsure I would ever recover. It was one of the reasons I missed so much work. It scared me.

But today… Today I feel happy.

I don’t know if it is because the sun is shining for the first time in about two weeks. I never thought the sun affected me in that way, but the sun is, in fact shining gloriously.

And today, I feel content.

I spend so much time worrying. Dwelling on the things that are wrong. Anxious, waiting for the bottom to fall out – again.

But today, I feel fine.

Today I have a song in my heart, and it is, to the chagrin of my coworkers, leaking out my mouth.

Today I feel hope for myself and even for the world, in spite of the news of impending doom and people selling their kids for sex, and people shooting other innocent people and taking themselves out in a shameful blaze of bullets.

Today I don’t feel that sense that there is something really heavy swinging above my head, and its only a matter of time before the string breaks.

Today, I feel good.

I feel the need to celebrate this day. To embrace it and relish in the positive feelings that will attract positive things to me. I need to cling to this niceness. Embrace this joy. (Is it joy? hmmm. Actually yes it is! Wee!) Because I have WAY too few of these days.

Soon the stress and anxiety will work its way back into my brain, but for now. For today. At this moment. All is right with the world.

And I can’t ask for better than that.

I was planning on writing an entry about how irritated I have been yesterday and today and some of the reasons why. But I am high, you see. Hiiiiiighhhhhhh. I recently discovered the Starbucks-like coffee bar in my company’s cafeteria. I have never paid much attention to it because, until this week, I didn’t drink coffee because I don’t like hot drinks. I occasionally get a Frappy from “The Big Bucks,” but they have never given me a caffeine buzz.

My drug of choice now is Iced White Mocha, which is a shot of espresso with some yummy white chocolate mocha liquid stuff, (I mean who really CARES whats actually in it, right?) And, of course, ICE. Which changes the yucky hot drink into a yummy in my tummy COOOOLD drink that I love!

And so I have a new crack. I am hopelessly addicted and if I have no money, I will willingly BLOW ANYONE for my morning fix. So don’t even TRY to stop me because I WILL CUT YOU!!! And I know I am on a slippery slope here, and soon I will be adding EXTRA SHOTS of esspresso, and then there’s no turning back, but I don’t care.

So I am not actually irritated right now, but I will still touch on some of the things that have irritated me in the past 48 hours…

First –  You nasty-ass bitches who don’t wash yourhands after using the restroom. Now, don’t get  me wrong, I am not a germaphobe by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, I laugh inwardly at people who buy every antibacterial product available, and slather their bodies and shit in it in a fruitless effort to eradicate germs from touching their squeaky clean skin. The truth is there is no way to free yourself of bacteria. there are literally GAZILLIONS of them crawling all over you at any given moment and you can soak in a vat of alcohol, but it won’t change that fact. THAT IS WHY WE HAVE AN IMMUNE SYSTEM PEOPLE! In fact, many of the bacteria are good bacteria that we need, which is why you shouldn’t douche your vajayjay. Having said that, its one thing to be paranoid about germs and quite another to be NASTY NASTY NASTY. And people who don’t wash their hands are not only smearing thier shit, but everyone else’s shit all over the place. and we are ALL touching IT!!!!

So germaphobes, if you want to help make the word a cleaner place, instead of trying to kill bacteria, how about killing those ecoli-spreading BITCHES that don’t wash their hands! (And men – don’t think I don’t know you are worse. And YOU touch your willy’s so you should be scrubbing!)

Second – Stupid ass bitches who talk on their cell phones in the restroom. Now, if I am not the person listening to that shit on the other end of the phone why should that piss me off? Well, you see I have been in customer service for close to 20 years. I have been an unwilling witness to every conceivable bodily function you can imagine and a few you can’t. Not only is it rude, and nasty, its incredibly STUPID because these people actually think I can’t hear whats going on. (Or should I say coming out?) SO when I hear people on the phone in the bathroom my ears steam because I just think that’s plain rude. Also, in addition to smelling your nasty ASS, I don’t want to hear about your hot date.

I love to “spam flush” the toilet when I hear someone one the phone. My heart fills with joy when I hear the person say, REPEATEDLY, “hold on someone’s flushing.” (that really did happen!) And as soon as they start talking again I flush again.  This particular person finally got so mad I heard her say, “lemme call you back these rude people keep flushing the damn toilet and I can’t hear you!”

I mean, GAH! How rude to FLUSH a fucking TOILET after you use it!

I laughed out loud and came out of the stall and endured the rude-bitch-stare-of-DEATH as I washed my hands, (AND, I will point out that she was so busy glaring at me that she did the wet-my-fingertips-with-a-bit-of-water-and-no-soap routine, which makes her rude AND nasty, ) then I grinned at her and left the restroom. Stupid Cow.

Crystal, Did in fact look at my comment about the interview. I FELT it. But when she actually sent the interview questions, while I did not faint as expected, a little squeal of joy started in my left little piggy toe, and worked its way up my body and out my mouth, causing my elderly neighbor sitting on her porch to turn to her husband and say, “Jesus Roy, they’re at it again!”

But this is better than sex. OK its not, but almost. I only hope my answers are deserving of such interesting and thought-provoking questions.

Here goes…

1. What’s your take on spirituality?  Note I didn’t say religion because that is different and the very fact that I pointed that out means I am smart but hold up, this isn’t about me.  Go.

I was raised Catholic. I think I first realized that religion and spirituality were not the same when I was about 10 and realized, as I recited my prayers in Mass, that I had never actually paid attention to the words I had been saying since I was a wee one. I remember thinking the words were so beautiful and spiritual, how can these people sound so bored saying them? And I decided the answer must be they had never paid attention to the words either.

I think spirituality is paramount to living a truly happy and fulfilled life. Not possessions, fancy houses, Mercedes, Starbucks, yachts… you get the idea. I would love to do yoga. (That, of course involves getting off the couch, so I watch yoga programs on TV. I’m trying to ease into it, you know? But when they do that lion pose? I totally make the face. Because I am committed.)

2. Please provide a brief synopsis of your first love and tell your readers whether he/she broke your heart or whether you were the one to do the stomping.  Oooh this should be good.

Oh my… Scott Miller. I loved him from 6th grade until about 9th grade. Unfortunately he hated me with the whitest-hot of hate. See, I was a plump girl. And this was the time of the Muppet Show. So when the kids found out I liked Scott, they started calling me Miss Piggy and calling him Kermit. A nickname that stayed with him throughout high-school, I might add. 

So I guess you could say he broke my heart. When we were on a Freshman Band trip in Daytona Florida, he once brandished a steak knife at me and screamed at me to leave him alone, marking the early signs that he was becoming a Psychopath, or Serial killer. I don’t know if he has ever killed anyone, but if he has, I feel partially responsible. 

3. Favorite book of all time and why.  I love to read because TO REITERATE, I’m really just verysmart and need all kinds of new books for my brain growth.

Hands down – “The Stand” by Stephen King. In fact, I have read it so many times, I can’t read it anymore. King’s description of the plague and its affects on cities was so facinating to me. (i.e. the cars lined up going into a tunnel with dead people hanging out. Or the man walking through the deserted town, alone excpet for the smells of corpses and rotting food in the grocery stores.) But the real message for me from The Stand is about the struggle we all have between good and evil and how attractive either state can actually be. And Tom Cullen is my hero.

4. Did you see that movie 300?  I loved it and usually I’m all about the super smart movies like Spiderman 2.  The main actor in 300 though is a guy named Gerard Butler who by the way is fanfucktastic looking.  So who do you think is the most handsome actor? 

I have not seen 300. I Googled Gerard Butler, and while he is quite yummy, my guy is George Cloony. I got tingly just typing his name. I used to fantasise I was hit by a bus and Dr. George would save my life, dump the skinny nurse because he decided he prefered a woman with some meat on her bones and take me to Seattle to live happily ever after.

5. What was the last incident or event that hurt you deeply and why?

Interestingly this just happened. Two weeks ago my mother lost her right leg to diabetes. Yesterday I was visiting her and she was telling me about her day. She talked about her physical therapy and how proud she has been of the progress she has made. She said she felt so hopeful for the first time and excited to do her PT work for the day, and feeling that,  just maybe, she can get through this. Then the doctor came in and told her that her other leg was not looking very good.

“And all my hope and spirit just slipped away.” She said in a shaky voice, a single tear running down her face.

My heart broke into a million pieces for her at that moment. Especially since I had no words.  

Thank you Crystal for the excellent interview! I hope my answers were worthy. If you would like me to interview you, please leave a comment with a request. I will email you the questions and you can post them in your own blog.

I just asked Crystal to interview me for that… interview thing that has been roaming around blogdom.

Its kinda like a junior-high science geek asking Stephen Hawking to interview him. Although, Stevie strikes me as a hip and fun kinda guy, once you look past the stillness. I bet he would give a mean interview, but I digress.

Crystal is awesomeness and enlightenment personified. If she even LOOKS at my comment and considers it I may faint. If you have never visited her site go NOW. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. But make sure you come back someday because if you are like me, you will spend the next 3 weeks in your jammies with your Starbucks devouring her archives for enlightenment and joy.

Did I mention I love her?

Its funny how long it takes tragic news to sink in for me. I was watching the coverage of the VT massacre for a couple of hours before I really started feeling the scope of it.

 Events like this make me obsess over how this kind of evil invades a person. I start to feel that we as a species are scum and how brutal and cold people can be.

Then there are the finger pointers. These people really annoy me. Look, you can’t prevent this kind of event. You cannot lock-down the world every time someone gets shot. Yo can’t act on every disturbing creative writing project. I hate it that the people who did their absolute best to handle an impossible-to-handle situation are being criticized by idiot Monday morning quarterbacks, or even worse, the leeches that pounce on this opportunity to promote a political agenda.

Laws cannot prevent this. Gun control cannot prevent this. Psychiatry, religion, law enforcement – all powerless to prevent this. Violence on TV didn’t cause it. Nor did video-games, or Pokemon.

 The shooter caused it. He is the only one to blame. And I won’t use his name because I won’t give him any glory.

It depresses me that people think its funny to call other Universities the next day and make bomb threats. And because people are understandably wary of being scrutinized by idiots, Universities were shut down, and classes canceled. Probably over a 13 year old’s prank call.

And just when I get to the point where I think there is no hope for decency, the inevitable happens. The hero emerges. Or heroes in this case.

Like the students who have gathered together in sorrow and solidarity, but pulsed with spirit and hope.

Like the professor who, at the somber gathering, delivered an inspired message of hope and healing.

And then there was Professor Liviu Librescu a 76 year old Holocaust survivor, who barricaded the door with his body, preventing the gunman from entering the room, so his students could jump out the windows, saving their lives.

This man survived the Third Reich, only fall to a madman’s bullet. But his story, abaove all others in this sad, sad turn of events, fills me with hope.